Valentine’s Day is a time when love is at the forefront of our minds. We see heart-shaped gifts, romantic dinners, and advertisements that define love as a perfect, idealised feeling. But, what is love, really? In therapy, love is often explored not just as an emotion but as a complex, multifaceted concept that shapes our relationships, self-worth, and overall well-being.

Here we’ll explore love from different perspectives, including its historical definitions, and how love influences mental health and personal growth. Let’s dive in and discover what love means beyond the commercialised version we often see on Valentine’s Day.

A Brief History of Love: How the Definition Has Evolved

Throughout history, love has been understood in many ways. Ancient philosophers, such as Plato and Aristotle, wrote extensively on love, often seeing it as something that transcends romantic attraction. For instance, in Greek, there are multiple words for love, each representing a different form:

• Eros: This is passionate love or romantic desire, the kind of love that is often associated with Valentine’s Day
• Philia: This is deep friendship or brotherly love, characterised by loyalty, shared experiences, and trust
• Storge: Familial love, such as the bond between parents and children or siblings
• Agape: Often referred to as unconditional love, this is a selfless love that extends beyond romantic and familial relationships. It’s the love that embraces humanity as a whole

These different types of love give us a deeper understanding of how love can manifest in various forms and how it has been viewed in history. While many people today focus on romantic love, especially around Valentine’s Day, it is important to remember that love isn’t confined to one category.

Bell Hooks on Love: A Revolutionary Perspective

The late Bell Hooks, a renowned scholar and author, revolutionised the way we think about love. In her book All About Love: New Visions, Hooks defines love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” This definition shifts the focus from love as a feeling to love as an intentional, conscious act that fosters growth and connection.

In her work, Hooks highlights that love requires more than just emotional feelings. It requires actions, empathy, mutual respect, and vulnerability. Love, according to Hooks, is not just about receiving affection but about giving it selflessly. She also emphasizes that love is foundational to our well-being and mental health. By extending care and compassion to others, we not only improve their lives but also nurture our own sense of purpose and fulfillment.

How Love Affects Our Mental Health

Love is central to human connection, and our relationships play a vital role in our emotional and psychological well-being. Research shows that love, in its many forms, can significantly impact our mental health. Positive, healthy relationships have been linked to lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. They can improve self-esteem, boost resilience, and enhance overall life satisfaction.

On the other hand, unhealthy relationships, characterized by toxic behaviours or a lack of love, can contribute to negative mental health outcomes. This is why it is important to nurture healthy, loving relationships with others – and also with ourselves. Learning to love ourselves, to accept and care for ourselves unconditionally, is one of the most important steps in promoting mental health and healing.

The Role of Self-Love in Mental Health

One of the key aspects of love that Bell Hooks emphasizes is self-love. Self-love is often misunderstood as narcissism or selfishness, but in reality, it is an essential part of mental health. Self-love is about recognising your worth, treating yourself with kindness, and setting healthy boundaries. It is also about self-compassion, forgiving yourself when you make mistakes, and being patient with your growth.

When you practice self-love, you build resilience against life’s challenges. It helps you navigate difficult emotions and bounce back from setbacks with a sense of inner strength. It also allows you to form healthier, more fulfilling relationships with others because you have a stronger foundation within yourself.

Love and Mental Health Therapy: Finding Healing Through Connection

In therapy, love can be explored in many different ways. It might involve healing from past trauma that stemmed from a lack of love or affection, such as childhood neglect or abusive relationships. Therapy can also help individuals develop healthier relationships by teaching them the importance of emotional communication, trust-building, and conflict resolution.

Furthermore, therapy can help you redefine what love means for you personally. For some, it might mean learning to prioritise their needs and setting boundaries with others. For others, it might mean letting go of past hurts and opening up to the possibility of love again. Whatever your journey with love looks like, therapy provides a safe, supportive space to explore these feelings and begin the healing process.

How You Can Cultivate Love in Your Life

Whether you are in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a familial bond, cultivating love is essential to building deep and meaningful connections. Here are a few ways to cultivate love in your life:

1. Practice active listening: Show empathy by listening to others without judgment or interruption. This fosters trust and emotional connection
2. Communicate openly and honestly: Share your feelings, desires, and needs. Open communication builds stronger, more authentic relationships
3. Set healthy boundaries: Protect your well-being by setting limits on what you are willing to tolerate. This shows self-respect and allows for healthier relationships
4. Show appreciation: Regularly express gratitude for those you love, whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member. Small acts of kindness can deepen your bond
5. Work on self-love: Treat yourself with the same compassion and care that you offer others. Take time for self-care and personal growth

Love as a Lifelong Journey

Love is not a static concept; it evolves throughout our lives. It is not something that can be fully understood in a single moment but is a lifelong journey of growth, understanding, and connection. By exploring different types of love and prioritising love in our daily lives, we can cultivate a healthier, more compassionate approach to both ourselves and others.

As you reflect on love this Valentine’s Day, consider how it fits into your mental health journey. Whether you are building love with others, practicing self-love, or learning to heal from past wounds, love remains a cornerstone of emotional and mental well-being.

Mental Health Hublink

Finding support and understanding the type needed can feel overwhelming. Our aim is to bridge this gap by providing information and resources tailored to the Australian health landscape, along with a comprehensive directory to match individuals with the best options for their unique needs.

We strive to create a platform that promotes holistic well-being, ensuring everyone has the opportunity to lead healthier, happier lives – through resources, information, and therapy options, including individual, couples, family, group therapy, or mental health retreats.